Flamboyance

Flamboyance.

I hate flamboyance. I hate flamboyant people. Can't stand them. Give me a get-together with a flamboyant once-aquantainance and you have ruined my evening. He narrates his escapades in this mountain, that valley the other forest, tells stories of boogying into the night, of partying non-stop. He seems to be re-living each moment - while I listen apologetically, having done nothing daring, at least nothing I can discuss. I end up telling him that I write stories for magazines, comics and give him the address of my blog. Normally I would'nt, but I have to show something for having lived so many years since we last knew each other. Pretty sad.

I am totally intimidated by flamboyance. It puts me off. It puts me down. It takes the wind out of me. Give me the quietly talented guys, I say. Let them be Picassos and Mozarts but let them be quiet. Then I'll like them.

But who is quiet these days?

The flamboyant guy always looks conspicuously at the obese kid, waves at it, makes funny faces, and completely ignores the gorgeous mother - showing off his sexual security. While you take your eyes guiltily off the mother thinking, how pathetic am I?

What do I do when I am faced with patronizing flamboyance. Crumple up and look for sympathy. Or be my true self. Which is? My true self might be the quiet, sensitive, romantic, clever, intelligent guy - slightly shy, sometimes funny. A bit thoughtless, tolerably selfish. But where is the place for this in a flamboyant world.

I can't meet flamboyance on an equal footing. This makes me feel bad.

I keep thinking I need to something famous. So everyone will be by default impressed with me - even the flamboyant guys - and I won't have to do much. I can be quiet through meetings and get-togethers. My seeming introvertishness will be taken as a charming idiosyncrasy and not a miserable patheticness. My not having a girlfriend will be forgiven. Hmm. I should do something famous.

There is an alternate choice. And that is serenity. Meditation. Yoga. Karate and self control. Inner Bliss.

But I think I like the 'do something famous' option better.