Third and last installment of my writings as Masti.com college-correspondent three years ago:


IITM diary.

THE SEX RATIO JUST GOT WORSE

It was the usual post-late-breakfast chat session on the wing cot.
Various pages of the two newspapers were being read by various persons.
P was scanning the matrimonial section, a favourite passtime.

"F***!" exclaimed C suddenly. All eyes turned to him. " Just
look at what this report says. India's sex ratio has worsened to 933 to a
1000. Pathetic."

" Which means P has 1000-933 divided by 1000 chance of not finding
a wife." chuckled Y.

"Not just me," P retorted.

"I won't have any such problems," said DD ,"Kerala has a
favourable sex-ratio. 1011 to a 1000."

"Oops! That means junta will some junta will have to marry mallu
females" laughed Y. He somehow finds everything funny.

C had meanwhile moved on to another article on the same page.
"Did you know?" he asked, " That 80% of the world's population lives in
Developing Countries ? And that 80% accounts for just 20% of the World's
income. Pathetic."

P at this point drew in his breath sharply. The others looked at
him sympathetically. P is one of the guys who are not apping to the US,
and was hence condemned to remain, for the rest of his life, with the less
fortunate 80%.

But the cause of P's distress turned out to be something else. "
Look at this report. Woman Kills Daughters Commits Suicide. Such things
are happening every day now."

"The sex ratio is getting worse right?" asked y, chuckling again.

"Right." said P sombrely



TALL TALES

It's Saarang time and you are greedily feasting your eyes on the
eithth wonder of the world, when your friend looks down at you fron his
5'11, pats you sympathetically on the shoulder and says,
"Forget it Pills, she's too tall for you."
Really the life of a short guy is a tall order.
You try to smile and say, "OK da, as long as she is shorter than you
I'll manage."

It's not that you haven't tried your level best to put on those extra
inches. You have tried every exercise in Preetham's Grow Taller In 25
Easy Steps. You have eaten all the right foodstuffs with the right
proteins. You've tried the Ayurvedic medicine suggested by your
sympathetic Uncle. You have even done the 101 Pradakshinams around your
favourite God. But what can you do if the bloody Growth hormones still
refuse to cooperate?

And then there are these science supplements of the popular papers,
which regularly publish depressing articles on why shorter guys are better
off in life. "Good News For Shorter Men", proclaims one such article, "
Though research has shown that taller men are more likely to get faster
promotions and beeter pay-cheques AND are more popular with the opposite
sex, recent studies on rats indicate that SHORTER MEN ARE 20% LESS LIKELY
TO DEVELOP CANCER IN SOME-VAGUE-PART-OF-THE-BODY, IN THEIR LATER YEARS."
Depressing. There is no other word for it.

And the feminine part of the young generation insists on wearing
half-foot heels which does not help your cause either.

And your so called friends don't pass a chance to drive home the
point. "Hey Pills, where did you find thar verrrry long jeans da?"asks
one. "It's not that the jeans is long," another whispers loudly to the
first one, "It's the other way round!"

All said and done, are there any real advantages of being short.
No, not the ones like you are less likely to die of heart failure, or that
you get to be in the same league as Sachin Tendulkar, Napolean Bonaparte
and Lal Bahadur Shaastri, or that you have to bend less to tie your shoe
laces. I mean are there any real advantages?
Yes.
Once in a while you can write an article like this one for Masti.com
at the cost of pouring ghee on to the funeral pyre of your self-esteem.



Simple Pleasures of an IITian's Life.

The other day I was reading Ruskin Bond list out the simple pleasures
of his life : Listening To The Cooing Of The Doves, Watching The Sun Come
Up From My Bedroom Window etc. etc. So I sat down and made my list of
simple pleasures at IITM. So here goes:

* Finding your favourite pickle on the mess table, if not for which dinner
would have been quite inedible. Though IITM's messing facilities are
among the best in the country, mess grub being mess grub, leaves a lot of
scope for simeple pleasures. Other simeple pleasures in this category
would be escpaing dinner in the mess at the expense of a friend who is
celebrating his birthday or raiding a wing-mate's room for grub when comes
back from a trip home.

* Discussing the odd pretty girl who strays on to campus. " Arey. Aaaj
main mandir gaya tha, ate waqt devi ke darshan ho gaye. " and " You know
why V is putting major enthu in Lab these days? No. You should take a
look at the TA."

* Gathering in the common room and wathching India win a tight one day
cricket match. 60-70 guys of your own age in the same room. Willing India
on. Applauding every wicket taken or cheering every run scored. Sharing
the tension. Giving each other high fives when a breakthrough is
achieved, even to guys with whom you scarcely talk. And then when the
match has been one to troop out of the common room congratulating each
other on Sachin's or Zaheer's c achievements. Really, nothing like a
cricket match in the common room. Of course, India should win.

* Going to a class and finding that the prof. has cancelled class because
of illness ( No hard feelings for the prof.). This especially for some
sincere freshies who consider bunking class a sin next only to uttering
profanities.

* Staying up late into the night singing old hindi melodies.

* Teasing the Mallus in the hostel for their sing song accents.

* Wasting an entire weekend after the quizzes( periodical tests ) doing
absolutely nothing. Letting the utter joblessness envelop you.

* Watching a good comedy in the Open Air Theatre after a hard week.